I'm simple. But from where I'm standing it looks like there are two problems. Jesus is Chocolate. And Jesus Has a dick.
I'm going to try and break this down so I can better understand it.
Ok, Jesus is the Christians go between to God. God, from what I've been told, made everything: birds, cantaloupes, gravity, deja vu and, as much as some would like to say it's not so, Jesus Dicks.
Jesus had to have a dick. If Jesus didn't have a dick, then you are worshiping a eunich or even worse for many Christians: a women. And not just any women, a women who is posing as a man. So if Jesus didn't have dick, you are worshiping Yentel. There is no way the Red Staters would pray to Barbara Streisand. So Jesus has a dick, God made the Jesus Dick and that's the deal.
So we can't be ASHAMED or OFFENDED by the Chocolate Jesus dicks, because GOD made Jesus dicks. If we are to be ashamed of Jesus Dicks, then we are ashamed of Gods work. By being offended by Chocolate Jesus Dicks we are saying "God, you really blew it on the Jesus dicks."
If the deal is God is all powerful and one is to have complete faith in God then one can't arm chair quarterback God on the decision to make Jesus dicks. We have to go "Ok god, I guess you see fit to make Jesus Dicks, so I'm good with that" If Jesus Dicks are wrong and bad, then God is not all powerful and in fact , screwed up with the Jesus Dicks. The choices are 1. God is not all powerful and screwed up when the decision to give Jesus a dick was made. 2. we are worshiping a eunuch or Yentel. 3. God know's everything, is always right and Jesus Dicks are good.
So why must Jesus hide his junk under a bushel?
Because chicks dig rock stars.
Here's the Rub. I don't think they covered up the Jesus Dicks out of shame. Shame, like I said, would mean Jesus dicks are bad and God Blew it.
I'm not saying the powers that be aren't going to TELL you it's shame, but I don't think it's shame. I think they realize that if they showed Jesus Dicks people who love jesus A LOT would want to show their love.
How can I say this, If people will do anything for Jesus, sooner or later some 'confused' young lady or priest is going to show their love for Jesus the way real people show love. Head.
It's hard to explain chastity when ever time you open the church door there's another zealot blowing the crucifix.
Sure, you could make limp Jesus dicks that are sculpted to hang next to the leg. so you can't insert it. But then when you go to church you have to look at a deity with a softy for an hour. Softies don't inspire people. And now your not thinking "I really owe Jesus one for getting tacked on the cross for me." You're thinking "I have a bigger cock than Jesus. Maybe Jesus got out of a cold lake before they put him on the cross. It's bad enough to be crucified, but you be immortalized with your junk at it's shrively-est. That's a rotten move. "
And of corse then the other religions would call us the followers of the shriveled dick. That's doesn't work.
So you make statues showing Jesus with a limp python going down his leg. Now you go to church and lt looks like Jesus has 3 legs and you think, "Jesus is gonna fuck my girl friend." and that brings us to the next problem.
Some one will come up with the bright idea of making Hard Jesus. Hard Jesus on a cross sends a lot of different messages. The soft Jesus people won't like this at all. There will be a split between hard Jesus and Soft Jesus people. And the hard people will win. Because it's easy to get teen age kids to go "I'm just like Jesus, I have a big hard cock."
You think Mary on a tortilla has an impact on people, think of all the women who will flock to get their varicose veins cured simply by having a seat on the Magic Jesus.
To get back to the point : If you make a chocolate Jesus, with a chocolate Jesus dick, sooner or later your gonna have to eat that chocolate Jesus and sooner or later, somebody's gonna play Mary Magdalen and eat that Chocolate Jesus Dick. That's simply too hard of a conversation to have with a 10 year old who doesn't understand why we killed Jesus so we could spend the day eating ham and looking for colored eggs in the first place.
God for bid somebody fills Chocolate Jesus with Marshmallow cream.
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